Its been about 5 days since I was last let out for some fun and even then I wasnt allowed to play with my favorite organ. Maybe 8 days? Longer since I got to play with my cock? Can I even call it mine at this point though? This is chastity. Most days its just about going about every day life normally. Its not all about cumming – even given the option I usually forego it. Partly because I want to please Kesarah. My orgasms have become a occasional treat.
I usually ask every few days to unlock to shower, clean my cage and shave if needed but its right back in after. Even though she is 1000 miles away – I want my cock (her toy?) presentable and clean at all times.
This is where commitment comes in. I have a emergency key – I could let myself out at anytime but I wont. Not even to clean without express permission. I have a bad day? Thats life. I want to cum? Too bad. Not my decision. I even pay for Kesarah for keeping me locked up. I want this.
I often reflect on how I got here and the answer is simple. Trust and respect.
My previous writings (and future ones likely) I talk about Kesarah being “used” and “fucked” – those words carry an impact for me – when I hear them I begin feeling lust. I love dirty talk. They are vulgar terms I would not use outside of that scenario or in every day normal conversation. And dont get me started on when I hear HER use them… I am a mild mannered man. I say please, thank you and I am sorry probably way too much. It would shock people to read my journal.
Heck, seeing Kes and I on the street you would never know. We met playing video games online and have been friends forever. Annual trips became the norm – her home truly feels like a second home for me. I have maybe spent 60 days over 9 years physically in her presence but its like I never left when I do. Its immediately laughing, poking fun at each other and plotting adventure.
Its that comfort that led to me opening up to her about my kinks – she still is the only one of my friends that has any idea. She also told me some of hers and made me feel “normal” She accepted them. Nothing changed.
I started looking for pro dommes. At this point I have been single a long time and I hate dating – it seemed the best avenue to explore but I hated the idea – still do – of paying a stranger. Its then just a cash transaction in my mind. They dont care about me one way or the other – im just a payday.
Then Kes offered her services. She is knowledgable. I trust her. She is sexy…she gets to practice her skills and I get to scratch my kink itch. It was a no brainer. Usually after a few months we take a break and if there is interest come back to it refreshed.
As time has gone on I have found I love spoiling her so we have delved into fin domme. I have also found that my desire to watch/hear her pleasured far outweighs the need for my own pleasure so we also got into cuckolding and I couldnt be happier.
I would not get the same pleasure from this arrangement if it wasnt Kes. She may be the only woman I ever do this for. So make it count right? She deserves every ounce of spoiling she gets for a whole list of reasons. It is my ideal scenario.
I hold no illusions – romantically we dont fit. Neither of us would enjoy conventional sex – it would be awkward and I doubt I am anywhere in her league as far as skill goes – we would both likely leave unsatisfied. So I have no problem leaving that to other men.
Yet being her cuck? It fits nicely. I enjoy it a lot. being her fin bottom? Amazing.
She mentioned the other day she is putting together a wishlist for me to work on and I love the idea. I want to cum? Buy her a gift and hope she says yes. Screw up? Make amends by apologizing properly with a gift of course. She has the power to make me miserable and I hope she does!!
My other fetishes – flogging, body worship, etc – the distance makes impossible but I will find someone in time to satisfy those urges. But I only want to serve one cuckoldress.
My “sex” life has never been better. All I needed to do is quit having it and leave it up to her to have plenty for the both of us. Who knew?